My story begins in 1988 in Northern Africa, in the Sudan. My grandparents moved there from Egypt years prior to this for work. At the time of my birth, it was the largest country on the continent and held the record for the longest on-going civil war. It is little wonder my parents immigrated to Canada, a desire that many Sudanese have but few experience.
Canada
We landed in Quebec in 1991. I went to school, began learning French and developing relationships, but only five years later we picked up and moved again, this time to Ontario. At the age of eight, I was starting over again, with a new language, new environment, and new relationships. Over the next decade we moved numerous times, making it difficult to put down roots and build any lasting relationships. This would go on to impact me in ways I am still discovering today.
My youth was often marked by trouble and rebellion. Although my mother tried her best to raise us, we lacked good role models. In the absence of guidance and leadership, I looked for the attention that I needed in the wrong places. Instead of healthy relationships, I developed poor ones. We all have a need to belong, a void that must be filled. Sadly, so often it is filled with sin, unhealthy relationships, and things which leave us emptier than before. At the age of nine, I received my first suspension from school. When I was ten, we moved to a government housing area in the city of Waterloo where I befriended street kids. I was influenced by them and was drawn to their sinful life. In grade seven, I was suspended again. This was the beginning of my troubled youth.
Despite this, God was working in my life. My mother often took us to church. I learned about the creation story, sin, God’s love for mankind, and Christ’s death and resurrection. I heard stories of Old Testament characters like Joseph being betrayed by his brothers and being sold into slavery only to rise to become the prince of Egypt. I loved hearing of Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt’s oppressive rule. I aspired to be like those honorable men someday. Little did I know that I had no strength within to live a godly life. I tried repeatedly and failed every time. On one hand I was influenced by the Bible stories I heard and read, and on the other, by my friends.
Salvation
The church we attended held gospel meetings every Sunday evening. My mother took us faithfully. One night the preacher spoke on John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish but have everlasting life.” That night it struck me that the God who created the universe and who formed me, loved me. What a thought! God loves me so much; He gave his Son to redeem me! This was the love that I needed, the belonging and acceptance that I yearned for. I went home, bowed down by my bedside and trusted Jesus as my Savior.
Immediately, I felt a supernatural peace and a rest my soul had never experienced, a rest I had longed for. It felt like a lifelong burden came off my chest. That night, I inherited everlasting life and a home in heaven with my Savior. People have spent billions and tried everything this world has to offer to fill the void in their hearts but to no avail. Yet, at the age of thirteen I found what every soul thirsts for. When Jesus came into my heart, the world with all its vain promises, lost its appeal. I had everything I needed, and its worth was so much more than anything the world could offer. “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Mark 8:36-37). Because of Jesus, I gained my soul, heaven, and best of all, a personal relationship with my God.
Spiritual Struggles
When God saves a soul, they become a citizen of heaven, but they remain in the world. God has a work for them to complete, namely, to tell others of what they have experienced, to share the good news. With this comes the risk of again being influenced by the world. We read in Psalm 73 about a man who had experienced God’s love but was affected by the wickedness around him. He began to lose sight of God’s goodness and desired to be like the godless. Sadly, his story became mine.
Shortly after I was saved, I began high school. I had no idea how badly I would be influenced by my peers. Smoking cannabis was a normal occurrence at school. I never thought I would use drugs but the more time I spent around those who did, the less it bothered me. At first, the marijuana cigarette was passed from hand to hand skipping mine. However, each time my curiosity grew.
A few months later, I took my first puff. A few months later, I turned to mushrooms; fast-forward a few years and I was using ecstasy, cocaine, and other heavier drugs. My grades plummeted. I was suspended numerous times until finally I was expelled from school. How quickly I had degraded into a sinful life! How could someone who had tasted the wonderful love of Christ be so foolish to turn back to sin? How could I forget that it was my sin that sent Him to that shameful cross? I became like the prodigal son in Luke 15, who leaving his father’s loving side, set out to a faraway place to live life as he pleased. After squandering all that he had on wild living, the son was reduced to feeding on pig’s food. Like him, I had hit rock bottom. Sin left me empty handed, severely depressed, and suicidal.
He Willingly Suffered For Me
One day I was very high on drugs and could not go home, so I parked my vehicle. It just so happened that I had a Bible on my dashboard. I picked it up and read Isaiah 53. This twelve-verse chapter speaks about the Lord’s suffering and shame. It tells of how the Son of God set aside His majesty and beauty to become a man despised by His own creation. It has become my favorite chapter in the Bible.
“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.” (NIV)
Isaiah 53:5-7
These words broke me. He suffered willingly and silently for me. Overwhelmed by what He had endured because of my sins, I wept bitterly and asked God to forgive me and deliver me. He did. That day God set me free from my drug addiction. He has since replaced my “friends” with a wonderful church family. Today, I am surrounded by a beautiful, godly wife and six children. God has showered innumerable blessings upon me. He has been gracious to me.